Doing a dentist baby do it one more time again and again and again.

One of the Party’s greatest healthcare achievements via reforms of something that worked was the abolition of NHS dentistry. If you are a British citizen you will know what we mean. If you were once able to see a dentist on the NHS and now cannot see a dentist unless you subscribe or pay for your dental care you will know exactly what we mean. It appears that Dr Rant, our inspiration to start blogging, has had the same experiences as have we in the recent past.

The phrase “doing a dentist” means that dentists who once worked under NHS contracts have now moved on to being private dentists for the simple reason that NHS dentistry does not pay well and may well compromise good dental care. As a result they earn more than doing a GP where the Party strives continuously to limit income and reduce costs in contrast to the private sector in dentistry where the reverse "market" philosophy applies.

Could this be due to the fact that white teeth smiley faces are more important to politicians than basic healthcare? Think Blair vanity and self interest before healthcare for the populous.

Of course the Party in its infinite retardation could not allow its non paying customers to be without 48 hour access to a dentist so they merely changed their name to GPs. So now any dentally deprived or challenged patient can now be seen with any dental problems within 48 hours by someone with no dental training at all and best of all completely free.

Local dentists are well aware of this NHS freebie and we have seen a rise in the following medical “emergencies” all “referred” to us by local dentists:

1) Patient is allergic to Penicillin I cannot/do not know which antibiotic I can prescribe. See your GP.

2) Patient has pain and I do not know what drug to prescribe for them. See your GP.

3) Patient has a condition that I know not about so see your GP to find out if I can or cannot treat you to relieve your (pain) wallet.

4) I can prescribe you an antibiotic but you will have to pay for the consultation to get the prescription so see your GP instead. I can earn more from treating someone rather than prescribing.

And so on. Some weeks we have had one or two such consultations a day and remember all of these are "emergencies" and have been "referred" by an alleged healthcare "professional".

Clearly the need for a same day appointment is the need to preserve income stream not the need to provide quality dental care for any well trained dentist should be able to work out the answers to the simple questions above. Most of our medical students can after a week with us!

We thought we would like to offer some friendly advice to our dental colleagues.

There used to be a book called the British Dental Formulary which listed the drugs that you as a dentist could prescribe. You may never have read it as it would have been buried below twenty pound notes for totally unnecessary scales and polishes. We believe there is now a book called the British National Formulary at the end of which there is a page with writing on both sides.

There is a list of drugs, granted many more than the 32 teeth in an adult’s mouth that you can so richly exploit by filling, crowning, polishing, whitening, straightening and removing to generate income, that you as a dentist can prescribe.

With us thus far? So if someone is allergic to penicillin or needs a painkiller there is a little aide memoire for you if you can read and know more than what 2 drugs called Amoxycillin and Paracetamol do you can use. Simples.

And if you have trouble with medical conditions there are also books called textbooks for you to consult. At the end of the day the decision to operate is not that of the GP it is that of the (dental) surgeon who plans to undertake the surgery.

The team are on the case and the next such patient(s) we see we will be phoning their General Dental Practitioner and insisting on a urgent same day appointment for a medical "emergency" and will send them clutching the page number in the BNF. If you don’t see them we will be writing to the local PCT and General Dental Council.

If nothing else responding to the complaints alone will cost you more twenty quid notes than actually dealing with the problems you were presented with in the first chuffing place. (Apologies for the grunt word for what used to be a once or twice a year event has escalated somewhat).

You have been warned.

Praise be to the Party for increasing access to dentists by the creation of a sub dentist specialty called GPs and all for a fraction of the cost of real dentists and all of whom have no knowledge of the speciality at all.