The Cancer Clock has finally stopped

This week, across the Pond, President Obama has celebrated his first 100 days in office. Here, ZaNu Labour and its ever efficient Management Health Service (MHS), will be celebrating another triumph as to how much better things are here now in the English NHS (Northernshire) as a result of all of their “reforms”.

For those readers good enough to have been following this blog will know that one of the teams’ relative’s has been waiting for cancer treatment.

At long, long, last this relative has been admitted to hospital to finally get their treatment. The clock above records how long it has taken.

Granted there appears to have been no extra readies to ease Gord the Holy’s little problem since we last published the clock but equally NHS cancer care is still on target since our last post as the clock above shows.

Now with a bit of quantitative easing it is easy to see that in fact our relative has only waited 14 days if one uses base 94 instead of the usual base 10 system of numbering.

(For any NHS managers reading, if they can count-or even read, 98 in base 10 = (10 times 9 = 90) add 8 equals (90+8)= 98.

If you use base 94 then 1 times 94 = (94 times 1) = 94 and then add 4 (94+4) equals 98 but it looks like 14 so you are OK and can go home when the complaint letter comes in as you can explain all of this to the patient concerned).

We digress. We know the NHS cancer target has been met. No NHS target is ever missed, Comrades.

So despite hearing, during the long real time wait, both Mr Brown and Mr Johnson bang on about the two week wait for cancer treatment as a triumph of ZaNu Labour’s new health service every time there has been a NHS cock up story in the last 3 months, the reality on the ground is in fact very different.

But nonetheless using base 94 means that there will be no MHS failing so no one will ever be accountable for this wait. It was never there.

Our relative, being in the trade, when they have received their many Party generated letters to meet the Party targets have been on the phone to point out how long they were being made to wait.

If they had not, another 22 days would have been added to their wait for “treatment” (sorry their out patient appointment) BEFORE they got any where near any treatment.

We have had no problems with those members of the medical or nursing teams we have encountered all of whom have been excellent.

We have no problems with the under paid and over worked medical secretaries who have been most excellent in responding to our relative’s requests re delays. They have brought forward appointments based on clinical need where they could.

We just want to ask why did it take so long?

Perhaps we could bleep the on call Politburo manager at the “world class” commissioning PCT that has commissioned our relative’s care this Bank Holiday and expect an instant response?

But it is May Day comrades, so the good comrade idiots will be celebrating their success at being a top “World Class” Commissioning Politburo. Much vodka and prawn crackers we suspect comrade workers will be heaped on all of the “World Class” Commissars that we have in Northernshire this weekend. They may even give themselves an extra May Day bank holiday for being such an “efficient” PCT?
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We are now waiting on the skill of those on the front line to see where we go next. In them we trust.

We have several thoughts where the managers that have delayed treatment can go and where they can put certain objects. Unfortunately they would probably enjoy that as much as they enjoy screwing up the health service.

Praise be to the Party and its 2 week wait for cancer treatment. It has been a resounding success here in Northernshire.

Extra Praise be to the local “world class” commissioning managers who work so hard.

98 days to get cancer treatment. They will be resting on their laurels this weekend after all their hard work and vodka.

The Cancer Clock ticks past 60, Lithuania does better and the events near the Potteries

You will, as taxpayers and patients, be pleased to know that there has been no major recent input of cash into the GBH (Gordon Brown Harm) bank fund as far as we are aware.

We at ND Central have now finally seen a Professor regarding our relative’s recurrence of cancer at T+51 days. The news was generally upbeat apart from the fact that another 28 days has been added to the NHS Wait Tariff for exercising the wrong “NHS Choice”.

You do the crime (exercise NHS “Choice”) and managers make you do the time.

Comrade Alan “Postman Pratt” Johnson was telling us this week that there is a 2 week cancer target but no doubt our relative’s experience will be subject to a degree of “quantitative easing” in that by “printing targets” no-one will be waiting any time at all.

The clock is still ticking Mr Brown and Mr Johnson.

This sounds like reports we remember reading in the quality newspapers from twenty plus years ago regarding the failed Soviet experiment that you have inflicted on all of us now via the New Labour Health Service.

Everything there in Communist Utopia was working unless you had to use it. Some of the biggest critics of our health service are from former Communist countries and compare our current health service critically with their health services which have improved year on year while ours declines ever downwards.

A patient from overseas told of how they went to their home country on a holiday after having a normal x-ray on the NHS and had a MRI, arthroscopy and surgery all on a short holiday. They did pay for this themselves and were highly critical of NHS care as they are now unemployed in this country due to the failure of the local NHS Politburo to sort out a simple back problem using the well known surgical technique of physiotherapy (cheap therefore good) rather than the right treatment (surgery expensive therefore bad).

Back now in NHS land, the home of the Free (treatment), they want the same for the other joint but will have to wait a lot longer than their holiday (and treatment) was.

They did however get a MRI scan and an operation in Lithuania while on holiday and unemployed quicker than a NHS patient, our relative, gets cancer treatment in this country while they were working and paying taxes Mr Brown and Mr Johnson.

There was a minor problem at a Staffordshire hospital allegedly due to the staff trying to meet targets (imposed on them by a fully accountable Government) that resulted in a mere 400 deaths.

Harold Shipman must be turning in his grave as to how few he managed to pop off in all of his years. He at least did the honourable thing but he was a rank amateur compared with poor management aided and abetted by Government targets in the killing fields stakes.

We suspect that those in charge in the Stafford case will move onto to higher things once the breeze has blown over and earn more as a result but continue to have a better kill ratio than old Harold.

(We wrote this few days ago and this appears to be confirmed by a post in Dr Crippen’s blog post 23/03/09. Barely has the stink cleared and failure seems to be rewarded with the chief poacher(s) being promoted to chief gamekeeper(s) so it won’t happen again will it?)

And they will (continue to) get away with it.

To paraphrase a famous Party humanitarian from the past “one breach of confidentiality is a sackable offence, 400 deaths is a statistic and to be rewarded”.

We are sure Alan is happy with our relative’s PCT as it is now in the top ten “world class” commissioning PCTS. We are so pleased with this we think?

Top 10 “world class commissioners” = crap managers = bottom class medical care.

Praise be to the Party. The cancer clock ticks on . . .

GMT the ticking clock continues

Amazing how those that have saved the world are unable to treat those that they expect to pay taxes to fund their saving of the world.

In the last few days an amazing £ 75, 000, 000, 000 of money is to be printed and another £ 260, 000, 000, 000 of toxic debt is to be underwritten by Gordon Brown plc (or is it GB plc?).

The total amount of this little extra money that has been found could fund 11, 166, 667 of treatments worth £ 30,000 a time. Remember those snivelling little toads of cancer patients that you could not afford to treat Gordon and Tony?

That you forced to go to Court to get treatment for a few extra years because you could not afford it?

The total the UK government has spent thus far could fund 76, 125, 768 treatments at £ 20,164 a time which we believe to be the cost of a cochlear implant the most expensive operation on the NHS Tariff. So everyone in the United Kingdom and another 16 million besides could have this expensive operation on what you have spent so far.

The clock is still ticking Mr Brown. The relative we have blogged about is still waiting for treatment. They have paid their taxes which you are happily spending with gay abandon to save yourself, sorry, the Banks. The local Politburo where they live ticks all the Party boxes and that includes cancer care waits as it is rated as “excellent”.

Praise be to the Party as when it comes to zeros after a number it knows no end. Was that after a name or number?

Gordon and Alan Zero. A suitable epitaph?

What will you write on this relative’s gravestone when they die from NHS failure? Another zero in needless premature death’s column?

The cancer clock still ticks. The NHS marks time but its managers are happy. Gordon is also happy as he has saved the world but at what cost?