A speech for all reasons.

Now being an overpaid underworked GP in Northernshire means that at the end of the working day one hands over the keys of ones Farrari to ones manservant and goes to dress for dinner.

As one does so one may watch the news on that most modern of appliances called the television usually a 7 inch monochrome device for only people who need home visits have 90 inch colour ones, 5 cars in their driveways and cannot come to surgery as Wayne is doing a “deal” and on the sick with a bad back.

We really must get more au fait with the use of elephant doses of Diazepam in the management of back pain and remember the really dark opaque glasses to shield our eyes from plasma TV glare and industrial ear muffs to protect us from the surround sound system on such home visits for acute emergencies such as itchy scrot that is doing his head in but he has gone out - sorry doctor.

Meanwhile back on track and at the usual GPs baronial mansion house, whilst being served our G&T and while the memsahib was away at her toilet preparing for dinner, we watched an item on the British Broadcasting Corporation’s evening news.

We heard this and thought this was a slight case of déjà vu and spot the difference between the Parties for all three seem to be rolling out similar speeches about any (still) vaguely useful and cheap public service they are meddling with the one difference being that one and a half of them are in power.

The link to what we listened to is here and we reproduce the text with a few thoughts which if you cut and paste summarize the current attitude politique to healthcare/education/anything that might help you advance yourself or make you better.

So here goes:

The White Paper therefore proposes unconstrained recruitment of the roughly 65,000 high-achieving students, scoring the equivalent of AAB grades or above at A-level.

We will bail out the organization using private sector funding paid for over many years and increase service provision as a result of a public sector/private sector engagement.

Quotas for those students will be abolished and funding will go to whichever university offers them a place they accept. In addition, we will create a flexible margin of about 20,000 places to reward universities and colleges that combine good quality with value for money and with average tuition charges, after waivers, at or below £7,500 per year. That adds up to around 85,000 student places—roughly one in four places for new entrants contestable between institutions in 2012-13. We aim to expand this further year after year.

We will introduce competition via a market of sorts with additional capacity provided by any willing provider but wouldn't dream of centrally fixing prices.

We will also extend the scope for employers and charities to offer sponsorship of extra places, provided that they do not create a cost liability for the Government, and provided, of course, that there is fair access for all applicants, regardless of ability to pay, and no sacrifice of academic standards.

We ain’t going to pay for nuffink the Big Society will and everyone will have“equal” access if they can pay for me bitches.

The reforms put students in the driving seat, but if they are to use that power to best effect, more than a liberalising of the quotas regime will be needed.

No decision about me without me and in order to put you in charge there will have to be some reform and you will have to pay more to get less.

Prospective students also need to know far more about the academic experience on offer. We will therefore transform the information available to them about individual courses at individual institutions. Each institution will make available key items of information, such as contact hours and job prospects. Information will also be available to outside bodies, such as Which?, so that they can produce their own comparisons. That will lead universities to match their excellence in research with a high-quality academic experience.

More league tables and expensive websites anyone?

We listened to this little less than 2 minute speech on the video link and thought of a word relating to something bovine for has not much similar been said about the NHS by all Parties? Give the people and the professionals the illusion of control but only if they can afford it?

For reasons of brevity we have confined our comments to the BBC piece. You can, if you are a cowpat afficionado, read the whole speech here. We think all 3 Parties are doing an excellent job recycling these cowpats for different public services.

Praise be to the Party for allowing all of the many, who paid for the education that benefited the few now in charge, to have the privilege of paying for what they gave the few for free.

Welcome to NHS Reform and the Market movie coming to a child, a mature student or university near you soon in its follow on Education – the sequal to NHS reform.

More "reform" anyone? We’ll ask Kato to get you some more . . .

E-portfolios.

It would appear that some other counter revolutionaries at a despotic meeting of seriously ill informed and well time expired minds are suggesting that the flagship of the Scottish Silicon Glen IT revolution called NHS Education for Scotland, the all powerful e-portfolio is a waste of time. No.

Nothing new to those grunts on the ground for all our junior doctors have said the same for years but if those most out of touch at LMC level have heard of it then Apollo 13 must be hot news there as well as the recent launch of Sputnik.

Now we here at ND Central use many computers for a variety of things usefully like timing our microwaves, setting our DVD recorders, operating our washing machines, digital photography, car engine management systems, flying planes all simple uses of high technology which actually do something useful that NHS IT does not.

They work (more of the time than NHS IT) for we rarely if ever ring the “help” desk to get a job number for something that never gets better like NHS IT.

We do not use an e-portfolio to determine whether an individual can qualify as a doctor for those dangerous enough to be bad doctors get round this flawed system easily. Only a seriously brain damaged retarded educationalist dean dude high on some unnatural herbal substance would use this Braindead E-Retarded Portfolio (BERP) software to determine how good a doctor actually is.

Think about any other things that have crawled out of (NHS) Scotland and screwed up the NHS. Think Brown and Blair, think NHS “reform” and think computing (Choose and Book, Summary Care Record et al and their creators) and can you start a common theme re new ideas and their origin and how useful they are especially when it relates to high quality education and computing for the NHS?

Which is curious for once Scotland produced most of the world’s ships that usually carried people on real journies all be it at a high price in terms of some of our forebears’ health but then there was no NHS Education for Scotland so that must be why.

Those educated in Scotland for some reason see things that most people do not see. Weapons of mass destruction and an end to boom and bust are but 2 examples and as such they are deemed fit enough to screw up the United Kingdom’s medical education via Scottish IT. Even the opening screen cannot fit automatically onto your computer’s screen. This tells you how “good” those programming it are or how desperate they are to hide? Look which bit is cut off here.

The great thing about the e-portfolio is that none of the, excuse the very rude grunt word, sh*ts that devised this pile of retardation ever seemed to have used computers when they trained as doctors. Certainly no-one thought about security for doctors in training could at one time do their own assessments all they needed was an email address and anyone can find an NHS email address.

Our medical students, our F2 trainees and our GP registrars are increasingly troubled by the need to be groomed to complete their BERPs which is worrying as BERPing is seemingly occurring at an ever earlier age in medical training.

This is driven by a bunch of pillocks at deanery level and reinforced by their rubber hose beating stasi boys and girls who insist that doing a BERP is a good, not retarded thing because “it is er a good thing” but they are “only following orders” and having so much fun by setting increasingly tighter deadlines for completion of the BERP especially towards the end of GP training.

Our intelligent junior doctors and medical students see this for what it is a completely useless unproductive waste of their time. They want to learn from patients in the time honoured way of treating patients (remember patients dean dudes?) with good clinical supervision not BERPing in isolation with a computer hairy palms and poor eyesight being the sole result of this process.

Of course this might be the end result for those inflicting BERPing on their poor doctors in training. Give them hairy palms, short sight and a computer and a good BERP and that will make them all most excellent consultants or GPs?

Dream on dudes.

We are not computer phobic by any means here at ND Central. Indeed we are the complete opposite but when it comes to delivering care in the field a protocol on a computer or a good BERP are about as useful as a pacifist who does not know how to resolve a deadman’s click in a fire fight or someone unable to intubate and cannulate at a paediatric cardiac arrest when it comes to hands on clinical care.

Did doctors who did not BERP compromise patient care by being on wards looking after patients for hours longer than our current doctors in training spend tapping on keyboards? Instead of BERPing to prove how good doctors were did they instead spent time on the wards, talking and learning from their patients and seniors. This information was retained in their heads for years to come for future reference rather than sitting and entering meaningless, useless data on a hard drive to gather electronic dust and tick boxes?

Most excellent if the quality of patient care is now determined by a good BERP rather than the treatment a patient receives from a doctor. MMC will have succeeded despite its critics. And patients?

Is a doctor without a BERP better or worse than a newly trained well BERPed up doctor? As a patient should doctors be BERPing or treating?

We at ND Central think all junior doctors deserve a good burp after a good night out in the mess as part of R&R after some serious clinical work. We think that getting junior doctors to engage in seriously unproductive BERPing is a waste of their time (and ours) and totally unproductive unless electronic boxing ticking is the new way of medical/nuring/social service/anything training for the better? Believe us BERPing involves lots and lots of box ticking but sod all patient care.

Praise be to the Party and we await the day when the BERP will treat you now. Until then we hope to train a trained doctor who will do so without impolitely and wastefully BERPing.

After all those writing this piece did not BERP once during their training and succeeded despite this handicap of not being modern doctors trained by ticking boxes rather than treating patients which is the antithesis of BERPing.

History is said to repeat itself but we doubt any of our intelligent academic colleagues would make the same mistake twice with unworkable software . . .

Better late than never?

This morning we watched this item on an otherwise news depleted Saturday morning.

It seems that A&E departments are being misused. Never! Must be those idle GP scum again not the ignorance of the British people. After 60+ years of the NHS someone thinks perhaps people, in this case children, need to be taught how to use it.

Well dudes they have already learnt how to both use and misuse the NHS for however many times you misuse it there is no sanction. They have been well educated by their great grandparents, grandparents and parents on how to use the NHS for decades.

So if Tarquin Jr. or Chantelle Jr. get ill they ring the GP for an emergency prescription of paracetamol because the kid is disrupting X-factor or Strictly Come Dancing. If their GP is shut, or they are not considered an amergency (case for a paracetamol prescription) by thier own GP or an out of hours call handler, or doctor, they explore the local NHS “market” and try the local Darzi centre or walk in centre but guess what the market does not allow them to use it!

Chuffing hell somemic will be doing Tarquin or Chantelle (seniors’) heads in, they will have got through a pack of fags, cheaper than the Paracetamol they want from the NHS, so they will be well stressed and will ring NHS reDirect and explain their problem and might, big might, be advised to go to a pharmacist and purchase some paracetamol.

Eventually Tarquin or Chantelle (senior)and “will have no (f**king) choice” but to dial 999 “it is an (f**king)emergency” and get conveyed by the free, no questions asked, executive taxi service to an A&E department.

And get some Paracetamol but at what cost?

This process has been going on for decades and to try and address such behaviour as a healthcare worker will result in complaints against anyone who tries it for the non paying, totally unresponsible NHS customer is king.

Even if you misuse your GP enough you can only get booted off the list. And you can still go onto another GP and so on. Misuse the ambulance service and they still have to attend. And so on.

At least now after 60 years our secondary school children will get lessons about the NHS. This will be useful for given the paucity of sex education in secondary education they will probably need to use it when their kids become ill 2 or 3 years after their NHS sexless education lessons.

Praise be to the Party who no doubt will be preparing lesson plans for a few years time about the fact that smoking is harmful to health some 50+ years too late. Talk about slamming the stable door shut when the horse has bolted all over the UK and is still running unchecked 24/7.

At least the stable door will now be finally shut. Isn’t UK education wonderful?

More Education, Education, Education? Medicine and Education a few parallels.

While driving home earlier this month a few us “customers” of state funded education heard that the Party feel that parents who “cheat” should be penalised for advancing their children. When we say cheat we mean trying to get their children into the best schools. Not too long ago the Party felt that co-payment should be verboten and so we here at ND Central started to note a few parallels between education and healthcare.

No surprise here given that one of us at ND Central was a victim of the “Old” Labour Party educational policy which dictated that all comrade serfs’ children, regardless of their ability, should be downgraded to a Party sponsored education, called comprehensive schools.

At the same time that the Old Labour Party elite, sorry they were called MPs then, who were the “true socialists” in those dim and distant days, felt it was totally acceptable for their children to be sent to Public schools (no doubt on MPs’ expenses). At that same time they, as parents, sorry political commissars, insisted that other parents’, their serfs’, children should be given the same “choice” that they had and given a true Soviet equalitarian comprehensive based education as opposed to a State funded (via MPs expenses) private or Public school education.

Such disadvantage is continued in this country in the course of “socialised medicine” and “socialised education” so that any black, inner city child with the intellectual ability to be a doctor will be denied a chance of a decent education, not because of race sex gender etc for these forms of discrimination are now outlawed, but because they live in the wrong street and because their parents cannot afford it.

This is fundamentally wrong.

Ability should be fostered, rewarded, encouraged and not penalised. A poor child who becomes a doctor will more than pay for their education via taxes (we estimate about 70% of their income per year will go to the State if that child becomes a GP) and the admission of people from various backgrounds will help enrich medicine by providing a rich vein of social experience as well as intellectual excellence and ability.

It was the same 30 years ago that one of us experienced “socialized education” but manage to rise above it even though it meant leaving the shores of Northernshire to experience true world-class education. Things are worse now due to the numerous reforms denying advancement via education to those gifted and the need for a large financial input in order to afford education. And that is if you have to live in the right area with access to good schools to start with.

Remember that everyone in the UK pays for state sponsored education and medicine via their taxes but not everyone gets a decent education (or healthcare) despite paying for it.

Given the “market” economy so beloved by the current Party Commissars in healthcare surely the fact that schools that are popular should mean that the money follows the patient, sorry pupil?

Oops we think there may be a cock up there. We think there may even be a slight “market” cock up here? The ZaNu Labour “market” theory would dictates that the consumer, the taxpayer, would have choice. We pay our taxes (our money as customers of the State) we want to go to school X or hospital Y.

Doesn’t work fellow comrade workers as the Party, all powerful, dictates your “choice” of healthcare (via “Choose” and Book run by the local commissars at the PCT), and your education (via local commissars at local Councils), in the same way it denies your children Blair care and Blair education using the well known Socialist Principle of all Gordons and Tonys are equal but some are more equal than others.

So No Joe the Plumber care here in the UK. No Joe the Plumber education here either. But Joe the Plumber (UK) works in a real market and charges what the hell he likes and gets his healthcare for free and knows his rights. You dear patient, or parent, operate in a true Soviet, or “socialized” market called the health service or school system. You can have any “choice” of school or healthcare as long as the Party approves.

Dissent, try to use your nouse, money or private healthcare and the Party disapproves and you will be penalized. Try to get your child into a good school and the Party will get you. Try to get your patient to see the right consultant and the Party will get you.

Old and Za Nu Labour are the same Party separated by a few decades but some of the names and most of the ideas are the same bar some mild tinkering with words and ideas and suits replacing donkey jackets.

Anyone see a headmaster refusing a Prime Minister’s child education based on his address? Doubt it but it is not the same for you or I comrade? We don’t get Darzi care when we are ill we get whatever cheap crap the people in the lower streams of a Northern comprehensive think is right for you based on their huge inability.

For some of the people running local healthcare now weren’t bright enough to hack it in the private sector or get into a University or medical school. They went into NHS management after failing several times in other jobs first.

Clearly in this respect Old and New Labour have succeeded. Don’t foster and encourage ability penalize it. You get what the Party provides and it is presided over by the least able of all, the NHS manager. The ones we know of were in the bottom third of a mixed ability comprehensive school in a large Northern industrial town.

Try to do better and you are penalised either financially by having to pay for better healthcare and education, or by the State denying you better care or education, that you have paid for by taxes and taking you to Court if you try to better your child.

So much for the every child matters agenda and the Children’s Act putting the child’s interests at the centre of any decision making process. So much for the mantra of “education, education, education” so often quoted from a former Party leader.

Education is the current way to advance oneself in our society and it should be provided on the basis of merit. If a child from an inner city school has the potential to be the next Einstein is recognized he or she should be sent to the best schools locally based on ability not location. If that child’s parents recognise this fact they should be encouraged in the same way that if they wanted to see a better surgeon at another hospital for a particular condition rather than a less good one locally they should be given real choice to do so.

Praise be to the Party who provide “choice” as a word but not as an option. Thirty years ago choice was limited in education locally but in healthcare it wasn’t. Now both are limited more than every before and more “choice” is in fact less.

No wonder the Americans are worried. More management means less progress and choice. Pay more get less. More Choice anyone?

Regardless of the politics who loses? The patient and their kids.

Yoeh fellow educationalist dudes, the Dean dudes give us an update on medical education.

Deans Bilious and Tedious have been a walking near San Demonsville in the Waitrosa hills and have discovered certain organic medicines called Port and Stilton (most excellent for all Dean dudes’ health).

As keen most excellent dude Dean scientists they wished to pursue these substances - purely for academic purposes only.

Some other dude Deans have tried Crystal MTAS which is well good gear as it screws up the lives of thousands of young enthusiastic junior doctors but we Deans think we can try better to improve things educational here in San Demonsville, Arizona and have come up with a great idea called Choose and Book, sorry man we must have over consumed on our new discoveries, and come up with the new E-Portfolio (excellent air guitar moment).

(Remember children drugs are bad for you and our respected Dean dudes here in San Demonsville do not condone illegal use of drugs. A most excellent public health message from our esteemed Dean dudes for the safety of our younger readers).

Our learned most excellent Dean dudes, Deans Billious and Tedious, present their most esteemed thoughts about this revolution in education and other new matters around current modern medical education.

Please remember dear readers these are the thoughts of our Dean dudes who almost went to military academies and so any hidden meanings are those in your heads not in our esteemed Deans’ heads as they are airheads, says Dean Tedious’s dad, Captain Logan, a respected Police Captain, who approves this message.

So read, and party on, fellow dude readers:

Dean Bilious: Excellent port Dean Tedious! Your thoughts thus far, my most excellent Dean dude friend?

Dean Tedious: Thanks Dean Bilious. I thought the port was a little immature, Stilton excellent but that aside I would ask does that now mean that every junior doctors’ personal and sexual details will be on the World Wide w**k, sorry web, this Stilton, is most excellently cool? Did you say it had an organic herbal origin or did it come from a cow?

Dean Bilious: Tedious you know that Stilton comes from the Waitrosa hills no where else, I think, as does Port which is short for Porto Tesconia which is where the name Port came from dude.

Well of course Tedious it is yet another great New Labour social experiment in sharing everyone’s personal information so you know it will be most excellently secure in the same way after Port and Stilton your fly is always secure!

Dean Tedious: Whoa Bilious! I am most awesomely impressed with the security of my fly so this is most excellent news!

Is it undone?

I have my Smartcard that ensures that my fly is always most excellently secure as I think I am the only one with a password to my fly apart from my wife, mistress, all my post grads, the under grads, the faculty admin staff all of whom love to read about my cases but this is academia and things intellectual should always be freely shared . . . as I do with my most excellently secure Smartcard.

After all, if you need a pee, you have to go then and now and sod the password.

What are we actually taking about Bilious? I think I went off on one there, dude?

Dean Bilious: Well Tedious, had you not been drinking so much Port, we were talking about the fact that your caring family GP, Doc Northern MD, has now been asked to do an E-Portfolio on their current junior doctors in training. But hey this looks a little dodgy?

Dean Tedious: Bilious I take offense!

Despite us taking Doc Northern out to a meeting that must have disabled most of the A&E, anaesthetic, nursing and training GP departments at the San Demonsville Community General Hospital for the Criminally Insane and Pensioners for an hour for a five minute training session by some dudes from a real military academy called a Deanery (snigger) this E-Portfolio will be a great Government time saver as no one in training will have to keep paper records ever again.

Dean Bilious: Not entirely Dean Tedious. You seem a little confused over this and the detail, more herb, sorry Port, dude to clear your mind?

Yes and not only do their trainers and themselves have to do everything electronically like NHS (re)Direct, Choose and (re)Bookit but because it is a Party excellent idea (air guitar moment) they also have to print off the same information on paper for their trainees (and referrals) as well.

Dean Tedious: Do they need a password?

Dean Billious: Yes, but we haven’t sent any of them out to increase security and avoid your fly security problem.

Dean Tedious: Most excellent logic fellow Dean dude we like security. I like electronic things too especially if they buzz or crackle or vibrate. Can I have another glass to clear my head?

So trainees now have to spend hours doing everything on line like porn and then, when they have finished, print off the pictures, sorry assessments, on paper as well? Excellent a double wa**y!

Dean Bilious: Tedious do not discuss our most awesome on line teaching seminars with our undergrads in public. At least spare paper has a use for wrapping up certain things when you are a fully qualified Dean and exploring the science of combustion!

Dean Tedious: Whey Bilious I hadn’t thought of that dude! What is combustion? I just thought we were just being Government stooges again Bilious?

Dean Bilious: Tedious I take offense as we, as true excellent (air guitar moment), academics are impartial and would like to be recognized for our most excellent bogus scientific work if I could only think if we had done some.

Now regarding over producing UK medical graduates what are you proposing to do with this?

Dean Tedious: Easy we don’t employ them!

We make them apply for jobs they don’t want! If they get a job offer they have to accept the job within 24 hours as they are automatically excluded from any other job application. Take it or leave it Doc dude! Excellent!

Dean Bilious: What happens then?

Dean Tedious: We still don’t employ them!

Dean Bilious: So how do we fill jobs?

Dean Tedious: Easy Bilious, we employ doctors as “service posts” from overseas who meet the bare minimum qualifications for any UK military academy, that is not the most excellent Sandhurst, and send our excellent well qualified graduates overseas so spending a fortune in training them to benefit less fortunate countries like Australia, Canada, New Zealand, Singapore . .

And the trainee Doctors dudes have mountains of debt that no current Dean dude here down in San Demonsville would ever have incurred when they were training.

Shaft them and leave them dude as you would at San Demonsville High when you were a hot pre Dean dude?

Dean Bilious: I wish Tedious. This makes most excellent sense Dean dude after this serious stuff, more port Tedious?

Over produce doctors here, don’t employ them and when jobs aren’t filled after a head full of Crystal MTAS employ doctors from overseas in dead end jobs?

Dean Tedious: Excellent you have it in one just like being a Dean dude! More port and Stilton?

Dean Bilious: Finally Dean Tedious what is the 360 degree feedback and why does it take 6 weeks to do? Doc Northern MD was asking about this and I did not know?

And I was, Tedious my dear dude friend, sober and not stoned, sorry under the influence of Stilton, with him as we were talking serious haemorrhoids and I was in a compromising position. He was, however, wearing a glove with gelo on it!

Dean Tedious: Woey Bilious that is certainly a most professional Dean dude thing to be engaging with your family physician about educational matters and I am pleased he used gelo and a glove. Are they back in now?

360 feedback is where you get a doctor to turn around and around several times like we do after some port and charge them a fortune to prove they are still most excellent doctor dudes.

Dean Bilious: Bit like the GMC fee?

Dean Tedious: Most excellent analogy Dean dude but I don’t know if it is tax deductable but like the substances we use it is probably good sh*t*. More Port and Stilton fellow Dean dude?

I tried to do it once and the password and log in details didn’t work so I think it must have been a 320 feedback. Another great electronic failure costing the country, or the Docs stupid enough to do it as part of appraisal, dear fellow dean dude. It is most excellently bogus. Did we have anything to do with appraisal?

Deans Tedious and Bilious (in unison): Thank you for watching. Be excellent to each other and your trainees and Party on Dean dudes.

We are doing a most triumphantly excellent good job, we think?

Catch you later fellow dude Deans and all our trainees at our next most excellent educational seminar.

Praise be to the Party and all its most excellent Dean dudes.

With thanks to our many previous students, F2 trainees and registrars whose individual experiences and sense of humour inspired this piece. It is based on what they have told us about their experiences after leaving us many of whom have left medicine or gone overseas to continue their training often in specialties that did not wish to do but any job is better than no job. Crystal MTAS ruins lives. Good luck to Remedy UK.

Safeguarding Adults Training: the Thickerrazi training the bright

The local Politburo have “mandated” (remember that all members of the local Thickerazzi are duly “elected” based on their incompetence to PCT posts) that all those to whom they subcontract should now have to undergo under pain of death “Safeguarding Adults Training”.

Now we thought that this might be how we protect our staff and our limited thoughts on this new management buzzword were great! Flak jackets, side arms and M16s but no.

Party speak means, that Safeguarding Adults Training means protecting those with “learning disabilities”.

Are we allowed to use the term “learning disabilities” or should it be less able to protect themselves? That was the initial term but then, in a slot scheduled for an hour (because this is important Politburo “re education”), we had half of our practice cramped into a small room listening to an incredibly important seconded district nurse reading from a Party prepared (Praise be) presentation on a laptop delivered in 15 minutes flat.

It was delivered thus because although we had been told to allocate an hour to this “important” and more educated (than us) speaker they arrived late (because they were vitally important and busy) to a room full of staff (who could have been doing something useful) doing nothing.

Such is the importance of Party dummkopfs employed to “re educate” us to the Party line that they can disable half of a practice’s work force for one tenth of the Practice’s working day to listen to something that could have been put on a couple of sheets of A4 read and binned in 2 minutes.

What was interesting to any cynic, not that we are here at ND, was the following:

That all the measures outlined as being now “mandatory” in the training were meant to have been in place in 2007 based on Acts of Parliament from 2000.

We were given a copy of the procedures (2007) to be followed (in 2009) a huge resource of rainforest destruction surely destined for landfill end use.

We were informed that as a result of these changes there were now only 32 “safeguarding managers” in post to be “referred” to. This number of managers is only a few less than the number of additional GPs we should have locally in the ever over affluent Northenshire to bring us back up to the low levels of the national average of GPs per number of patients.

Given the 15 minute presentation (that should have been an hour) the examples of abuse illustrated would all have applied to the Baby P, Staffordshire hospitals, Iraqi US military prisons and Guantanamo Bay all of which could have been used as examples of abuse in the “Safe Guarding Adults” training NHS corporate laptop presentation.

They were not. But we hadn’t had our training and so we all would have missed these examples of abuse.

A busy district nurse who was “safe guarding adults” did the presentation clearly an efficient use of this resource? We are short of “working” district nurses following a disastrous reorganization of the service which saw 80% leave.

We were told that if,

after, a referral to a “safeguarding manager”,

there was felt to be a “case of abuse” then a local committee of dummkopfs would be appointed and if they then felt there was any evidence of criminality that they would refer it to the Police. Bright boys then on such a committee and they would stop any further “investigation” before resuming their “investigations” when the Police had finished theirs.

Clearly the Party and its Politburo’s investigations are more thorough than those presented to the Courts that they use merely as an information gathering service.

Are we missing something here dear reader?

So a case of a child abused reported to “a line manager” who then reports to a “safeguarding manager” will now result in the convening of a “committee” of social workers, nurses, doctors etc. all within the statuary 10 days.

If the “Committee” then decides there may be a criminal act they will then refer to the Police.

So continuity of evidence is not as important as following Politburo procedure “to protect” a vulnerable individual? While the Committee is being formed what happens?

Nothing?

Apart from possible further abuse?

Every member of staff said the same thing: “waste of time and what did they tell us that we did not already know?”

(The words “what a load of sh*t” was the most common descriptive word to describe the presentation and that was just the practice nurses).

Only one person in a room of twenty did not know what they were doing and that was the speaker who will continue peddling like any drug dealer their gear but to no market. The market is already saturated with knowledge of this subject.

Praise be to the Party and its every excellent local Politburo managers for telling us as much as they know about this issue = nothing.

They are ticking boxes and we already dealing with the problems they have only just discovered and feel they should share with us.

(We apologise to any chimpanzee readers as given recent research into primates there is a move to reclassify their species as Homo as in Homo sapiens. Unfortunately no one seems to regard the classification of NHS managers and politicians into H.thickus or H.incompetans as important. At least chimpanzees can think and adapt).