Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Sex and the elderly.



In the United Kingdom sex does not happen. It is officially not talked about but amazingly we have some statistics to be proud of despite its non existence for example the high rates of teenage pregnancies and increasing rates of STD in the elderly.

Increasingly the idea that elderly people, like those over about 23 years of age, are actually having, and worse still enjoying it, is causing some disquiet in certain journalistic circles.

This might be due to the fact that if you have sex, an allegedly pleasurable activity, it might incur some risks as well as be morally abhorrent to the ruling classes unless it is for procreation purposes rather than recreational purposes (dirty buggers says the average Daily Mail reader).

It would appear that there is an increasingly high rate of STDs in our “senior citizens” of the bonkaholic generation. Remember that these bonkaholics grew up in the generation that created sex in the swinging sixties and it would seem they are still swinging.

The contraceptive pill is now passé for they are postmenopausal and so the threat of pregnancy has passed them by but has been replaced by other problems like certain dry or limp areas.

HRT is now the WD40 for the females who pioneered the liberation of women and the permissive society by using the Pill (dirty buggers) and the new male Wild Ones are using the Harley Davidson of the shaft world called Viagra (dirty buggers) and its successors to spread STDs to new levels in their age group.

From talking to GP colleagues whose practices dispense these drugs they are now the suppliers of lots of discrete under the counter brown paper packages of Viagra to the elderly who insist that these packages are supplied to them “with discretion” as they don’t want their wives to know of their purchases.

Furthermore the number of requests for “blue pills” for those over fifty who are “disappointing their wives” (aren’t males just so selfless?) or “who have met a new lady friend” increases year on year. A number of elderly “gentlemen” also request these pills in catering packs especially those who spend many months a year abroad in countries such as Thailand the so called “Sex Pats” (and they claim their winter fuel allowances!).

Curious how the sexual liberators of the sixties are now being liberated from the problems of elderly sex that would have denied their grandparents what they can now enjoy so much and freely? Isn’t pharmacology great?

Praise be to the Party for liberating the NHS and for “liberating” some of our elderly patients. Curious how HRT is free to all pensioners but other drugs are not. Did we miss sex equality? A lot of our patients do (dirty buggers).

11 comments:

Hypercryptical said...

Sir!

I am dismayed - nay, appalled - that you should consider that sex exists for any other purpose rather than that of procreation of the species!

I personally, have only indulged in this disgusting act three times - resulting in the issue of three male offspring. No doubt in years to come - they will be demanding of the need for said little 'blue pills!'

I say to GPs of the future - "Desist!" Defy these selfish males barstewards!

I do not partake in this HRT nonsense - preferring to take seal blubber tablets as I am led to believe that they do something - I know not what! But the label on my homeopathic medicine states that it is beneficial! So I cannot argue with that!

I was led to believe that the gradual winding down of the male of the species - and resulting slowness, led to heightened satisfaction of the female of the species. Lying barstewards!

Anyway, I would not know as per the three times thing.

I look to you for guidance Northern Doc! Should I relent?

YouthHealth said...

Interesting article. I say do it as you please. Its good for you mentally and psychologically and if you can do it at that old age, props to you!

The Shrink said...

I don't understand this article.

Don't people over 23 just hold hands?

:P

Anonymous said...

With all the cuts around, what else is left to do when you can now afford nothing else?

And you should keep it quiet, otherwise the qualition would find ways to tax or cut that too!

But seriously, those elderly over "50?!" folk can teach the minus 23s of nowadays a thing or two!

Anonymous said...

I am over 50. Recently I fell madly in love with someone a few years younger and in a way I have never felt before. Is that a sin?

Rick said...

No, you are lucky, enjoy.

Brenda said...

My husband and I have been happily married for 5 years. What makes our relationship unique is that he was born in 1961, 12 years my junior. The secret of our success is a deeply committed love for one another. Ours is a passionate romance. Each of us is whole, happy and healthy. We have a love that keeps my spirit young and he enjoys that I spoil him rotten which keeps him young too. I am sharing our story to give older women hope that they too can find peace, love and fulfilment with a younger man.

Northern Doc said...

Thank you all for reading and taking the trouble to comment. We did not realize that the silver sex scene was so popular!

And to Hypercryptical whose comments made us laugh we advise lots of long cross country runs, cold showers and a vigourous rub down with a harsh towel by Matron.

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