Those of our regular
readership (thank you and a happy New Year) will know that in the Northernshire province of Shiteton
Soviet we are so well served by our local Harvard and Yale educated commissars
with years of private sector involvement in highflying companies that GPs are
completely unnecessary in providing local healthcare.
Tripartite coalition on NHS healthcare privatization has been so warmly
received that here in Shiteton PCT, Northernshire GPs have been throwing
themselves anywhere else than to be involved with clinical commissioning for
there are so many GPs here that we daily have to draw lots to see who is
unfortunate enough to be sent to the golf course rather than provide patient
care. Not all parts of the UK are that lucky.
The plethora of Harvard and
Yale MBAs we have at our local Soviet means that our patients enjoy first world
care the whole time from their cradle to their grave given their extended life
expectancy due to the excellent local NHS commissars.
The Party however via its
local organs are concerned about the lack of golf playing GPs involved in local
NHS commissioning and clearly have a quota to meet and as GP after GP declines
to be involved due to the Party's excellent local Soviet they have been looking
for "volunteers" to start as GP commissioners in the New Year. As a
result one of the team here at ND Central has, under duress, been seconded to
the darkside. The volunteer was selected
at the infamous café Michelle using the time honoured tradition of playing
Russian roulette albeit with a blank round in the revolver. Those familiar with
the scenes from the Deer Hunter will know what the particpants felt as someone
from the team would have to, gulp, do commissioning if they "won" at
roulette after a heavy evening of Resistance work. Given that the Parties all
feel that "clinical" commissioning is fully supported by the(ir)
medical profession (gong hunter friends at the Royal Colleges) you would have
thought there would be no problem locally with "volunteers". So at last one of the
Resistence has been turned to the darkside not through NHS "Choice®™"
but through the need for survival and we hope to provide some insights from a
dark merky world that needs to be brought to light. This may lead to a few
articles about how NHS commissioning both past and present have been delivered
for the benefit of the comrade patient. It will also show how the force of the
dark Lord Vadar of the NCB operates to ensure true Soviet style
"local" (GP led?) healthcare commissioning via Central Party diktat
and control. Remember comrade GPs the
command centre is no longer in Moscow, or Whitehall, or in the dark world of
the NCB formerly known as the Department of Health, but "The headquarters
will be in the consulting room and the clinic." Praise be to the Party for
ensuring that each NHS reform will lead to nothing useful in healthcare bar an
increase in costs and administration coupled with decreased quality and quantity of healthcare. Both of which benefit not
the private sector or administrators but the patient and their healthcare . . .
you have been warned.
Contact Northern Doc:
Northern Doc was once a blog originally written by a group of GPs in Northernshire and expressed their experiences and frustrations of working in today's NHS. The pieces were compiled at social meetings after work and published anonymously in a once free society. Following the Government's Medical Council clamp down on freedom of thought, speech and expression by doctors and our belief that the views of a few doctors DO NOT represent the views of the profession as a whole their views will now be written by and published by a journalist who has previously contributed to the blog by virtue of social ties. Any inference that the word Doc means a doctor is now purely coincidental. This is as of the 22 April 2013.