Sunday, 13 September 2015

Taxi!

The more the doctors at ND Central work the more examples of the free at the point abuse National Health Service(?) they see and comment on at increasingly fewer Resistence meetings at the infamous Café Michelle.

Still those that in between patient commitents, Scottish retard politically imposed extra work for no extra pay and more recently the drive towards 7 seven day working for all bar politicians and busy working people supported by science like this it is amazing that idle non working GPs do anything useful at all given the constant political interference and media bad press. There is another take here on the same aspect. 

Still idle GPs will take comfort from the fact that Jeremy is now back in the play pen after his busy summer break and only has to work just a few more weeks until he is off again. 

So as more and more patients use the NHS as a want and go service to paraphrase an advert from the 1980s for a hair shampoo that you had to pay for in contrast to the NHS patients want more and more for nothing.

And like Violet Elizabeth if they do not get what they want they will scream and scream until they are sick in the hope that anyone now trained by the RCGP will consider their demands and be NICE to them after considering their ICE(s) and give in.

Appeasement has rarely worked in the face of an increasingly hostile threat and often what has happened is that a patient thinks they have something but the patient’s theory of disease has been rejected on more than one occasion. So more often than not after a trip to the local hostellery or if the 56kbs dial up is slow during peak porn download times they start googling for specialists.

Eventually they discover an expert in London who they think will, not can, help them. They then DEMAND a referral there for a 57th opinion to reinforce the 56 other ones that all state they haven’t got what they think they have.

The referral letter usually goes along the lines of please see farmer Scroggins who is convinced after reading an article on New Guniea brain disease and touching a holiday brochure about New Guinea that he has acquired such a brain disease to explain his congenital complete absence of higher cerebral function which might help him with his benefit claim.

Scroggo, as he is affectionaly known to our staff as he is a frequent flyer but rarely if ever consults a vet, has seen numerous consultants over the years copies of their corresponance are enclosed all 4 realms of A4 of them which are but a mere summary of Scroggo’s many volumes of notes. I wonder if you could or could confirm if this or is not the case?

Later farmer Scroggins gets their appointment and then works out how long it would take him to drive to London in his tractor at 20 leagues to the day. “I can’t afford to be away from the pub for that long I demand an ambulance.”

“But farmer Scroggins you regularly take part in sheep dog trials across the land, take part in grouse shoots and take the train to horse races all over the country I can’t justify an ambulance for that.”

“It’s my right.”

“But you don’t qualify. You are foot mobile and can drive.”

Prior to the NHS 90% of ambulance service work was for emergencies but within 2 years that figure had dropped to 10%. While patients can be transported by family members to baptisms, barmitzas, marriages, funerals, hairdressors, vets and all of the above when it comes to travel to a hospital appointment this instantaneously becomes the responsibility of the NHS.

It will cost me 2 sheep to get there if I go by train/bus or tractor I can’t afford to get down there in my Range Rover Sport I need an ambulance.”

And how much will it cost by ambulance for what would be a 24+ hour round trip and overnight stay given the appointment times and distances involved for a driver and their tachograph?

£ 1000 + and an ambulance out of service for that time for one self centred patient.

“Well that’s alright then I pay my taxes. I am 75 can I have my sick note while I am here and my Viagra too as I am off to a cattle fair in Texas next week and am hoping to get some Texas prime while I am there (nudge, nudge wink, wink know what I mean doc?). I still need that ambulance as I am too sick to travel for that appointment . . .”

“You want an ambulance you can have it if you are prepared to pay for it?”

“Can’t afford to doc.”

“On your bike.”

“Perhaps Mr Scroggins while you are on the plane to Texas you could (just) ask the pilot to divert to Heathrow and drop you off for your appointment before flying you on to Texas afterwards? I’m sure they wouldn’t mind waiting after all you have paid for the flight . . .”

Praise be to the Party for ensuring that all those born in the UK know how to abuse their rights so freely and when it comes to healthcare have forgotten the concept of a self preservation society but when it comes to their own convienence other peoples’ money is no object.


3 comments:

GrumpyRN said...

Sigh.... Now, I agree with the gist of your rant. Appropriate and yes these patients somehow manage to get around the world on their own but can't get to their local hospital. Or even, and this is my pet hate, how they manage to drink themselves unconscious and end up in ED with quite literally not a penny on them. They then demand clothes (to replace the ones that some big boy has managed to sh*t in and then run away) and transport home, as the have no time left on their £35 a month iphone to call someone and can't remember any numbers. I have had many a pleasant day in a pub and always end up going home with a pocketful of change, which at least sorts out my parking. So I have a bit of sympathy/empathy with you on this as it has obviously been precipitated by something.


What I do find poor and sloppy is your continual casual racism blaming Scotland for your ills.
C'mon, we have not had a Scotsman in Downing Street for 5 years.

Also, "enclosed all 4 realms of A4" please, it is REAMS. But what do I know? I am only a product of Scottish education.

Keep up the good work and I do enjoy reading you venting your spleen.

muscleguysblog said...

Here in the nascent People's Communitarian Republic of Scotland our local NHS teaching hospital is not only a bus hub that a LOT of buses go to but up above the main reception desk, just along from the ATM machine (but not to be mistaken for one) is an old fashioned grilled counter where one can be reimbursed for genuine travel expenses (LOTS of documentation proving necessity required) and with requirement an onward ticket is available.

There is a lift up there you will be relieved to know, though I have never personally checked it is in working order. I always used the stairs. Not to go to said office you understand, but the ATM on occasion, mostly when I worked up there in the bowels that saw neither sun nor mobile signal where us troglodytic biomedical scientist were chained to the rock face of ignorance seeking divers and arcane methods to turn it to precious knowledge.

I also used the stairs due to the dire possession of personal fitness, the possession of which makes me magnetically opposed to the doors of GP surgeries. Fortunately they moved the box for repeat prescriptions outside in the vestibule at our GP's so I can drop off my wife's repeat prescriptions without problem. Well one of us has to keep you skiving GeePees in work.

Yours, a real doctor
Muscleguy BSc PhD

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