Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Things can only get better.

Well another Northernshire Blogger’s practice has posted on the “best prepared” country in the world’s flu plans and its impact on workload before anything serious, like real virulent flu, has happened. Jobbing Doctor post 13 July 2009.

We are constantly being told here that we are the best prepared country in the world to tackle flu. This is by people who retired from real medicine years ago or good honest politicians whose every word can be believed. The front line is struggling already and we are still in the phoney war stage. The enemy is not virulent yet but it is spreading

Now children let us do this very simply.

One flu sufferer coughs and sneezes and so infects another passer by. This becomes 2 flu suffers who then become 4 then 8 and so one and hence the Flu intellectualazzi are proved right. We might have 100,000 people with flu a day by August. Simple mathematics.
Unfortunately although “we are the world’s best prepared country” have any of them thought of another malignant virus that could cripple health care before “real” flu even arrives?

The exponential Shaza effect (ESE)?

It works like this:

“Wotcha Shaza just watched GMTV and when yer texted us that your Tarquin has a cough, sore throat and a temperature I fort he might have swine flu.

As yer Tarquin was at nursery with mine I have texted all 400 of me mates on me mobile to let ‘em know he has swine flu and that you are ringing the doctor just in case. I’ve also e-mailed my 600 clients just to let them know as a qualified beautician they may all have SWINE FLU as our Chantelle were in Mexico 9 week ago.

She is OK but woz getting her nails done here 4 weeks ago and her cousin’s kids woz with Tarquin 2 weeks ago at MacDonalds for a birthday party. I told them at school about Tarquin’s swine flu and they are sending notices out. Any road I’m ringing my GP just in case can’t be too careful - it says so on t’news.

It is so stressful it is doing my head in . . . I tried to ring NHS Direct but gave up after 2 rings and even me GP ain’t answering as its always engaged. I’m off to A&E.”

Has Sir Liam any idea how many people get a temperature, sore throat and cough each day?

Of course not. Sir Liam has not practised real medicine for years although he has more initials after his name than all the doctors here in Northernshire who are dealing with this kind of crap. And it is getting rapidly worse.

We had in one hour yesterday 8 phone calls all demanding to speak to the on call doctor because they thought they had swine flu. And that was while we were trying to see patients in a surgery which Gordon and the Party ration to 6 per hour so 8+6 in an hour is without a Party target. That was just in one hour up from 4 calls for the whole of the day before and the hour before that after lunch.

Some had had it for days and were getting better but they rang “just in case”. Some had been to a NHS walk in centres in cities 60 miles away and had been sent home to ring the GP. Others were ringing from work 30 miles away about patients who they would not allow us to speak to as they were asleep but could we have some Tamiflu just in case? None of them had rung of their own accord other people had told them they had swine flu and to ring just in case.

Welcome Sir Liam to General Practice in the UK. Depending which figure you believe here in Northernshire there is no spare capacity. We cannot deliver first world medicine (US standard) to our patients in the absence of a flu problem.

There are 250 million GP consultations a year. If everyone gets 2 sore throats a year then that is 120 million potential slots lost to sore throats alone. If every child suffers one illness a month AND sees their GP for each of these then that is 120 million consultations per year. Ball park figures these but these 2 conditions alone have all but swamped the NHS GP system.

Not all patients see their GPs or take their children to see GPs with these conditions but these are just 2 conditions and there are many more conditions as well. However the fact that certainly here in Northernshire we have very few slots free on any day in the year means that the NHS is one of the best prepared countries in the world to handle any extra swine flu workload.

We have so much spare capacity we could export it to the third World! Not.

We are having to deal with more crap that is accelerating due to the exponential Shaza effect as a result of ill informed media scare mongering. One only needs to see the effect of one idiot declaring that measles is in a school on workload to see how panic and ignorance grips a small population. Apply the power of media and Government to the whole population and you can guess the rest.

Thanks for the facemask and its 2 filters. That really reassures us on the front lines. Will you be sending soldiers to deal with the Taliban with tissue paper as a weapon? Must have been going cheap at Wickes builder’s merchants if you read the spec here to see how this will protect us against air bourn viruses. For anyone unfamiliar with this type of kit there is even a training video that shows why you need two filters which we provide as a public service for educational purposes.

Praise be to the Party how can we ever fail given their all seeing wisdom and forward planning? Patients are already complaining they can’t get through to NHS Direct due to the pandering to the pathetic and the Flu centres will be opening in October.

The genie is well and truly out of the bottle and keeping the bottle at home isn’t going to stop the genie spreading. It has already spread worldwide and we all breathe the same air.

So why tell people to stay at home and ring their GP if they “think” they have flu but still allow sporting events? Will that contain the genie?


GP Informed said...

"The Shaza Effect" - brilliantly put. Every coalface GP will be nodding their head in recognition.

Northern Doc said...

Thank you for reading our thoughts and nice to know that other Northern Docs are experiencing the same things. Wonder when the Department of Health will realise and change thier "plans".

eyeball said...

Our biggest problem is that NOBODY has a thermometer to take their temp. The local algorithm for Tamiflu says that there should be temp =/> 38 and 2 other flu like symptoms. They fall down at the first hurdle and then want to come and see us.