Tuesday, 1 September 2009

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, don’t call the A-team - set up a call centre instead.

While sneaking into our main surgery after a sortie out to a branch surgery we were scanning the horizon looking for hostiles, all right then receptionists lurking with messages or prescriptions to sign, when something green in a corner caught our eye.

A possible hostile contact? With Ninja like fleetness of foot we leapt across the chair, OK then leaned across it, to the surface on which it lay, all alone in the world.

In a Victor Meldrum, “I don’t believe it” moment the piece of lonely green paper was read. It is displayed in all its green glory for all to see above.

Bet that didn’t take too many NHS man(agement) hours of meeting and planning? Rather than lend money to businesses to survive the recession let the Government borrow more money to set up more call centres?

No doubt after 3 hours training all their operatives will have a MBA in recession management and no doubt a flow chart to follow which probably ends with:

“You sound depressed, caller, (lots and lots of meaningless empathy before the next call). After all you have no money. no job and a mortgage you cannot pay and are about to be reprocessed and evicted. It isn’t our fault, honest Gov, go and see your GP”.

Full details are given here and this is when it started. Cynics might say about the time that the Swine Flu call centres were being disbanded. Hope we haven’t missed this one earlier and apologies if any other blogger got the heads up first. It seems to have slipped below the radar somewhat in contrast to other great call centre initiatives like the Swine Flu line.

We believe the first call went something like this:

“Hi, my name is Gordon, I do nay want to give ye my surname. I seem to be in a wee bit of bother. I am running a small country, sorry business, which I have done for several years and I seem to be spending more than I earn something which is nay ma fault, it is the recession. I may be losing me job in the next year can ye help me please? I feel a wee distressed by this all . . .”

Hope “Gordon” has a good GP to help him as we doubt the 3 hours training of former Swine Flu Pandemic line operatives will help anyone but it is nonetheless cheap and cheerful.

Praise be to the Party which if it hadn’t invented the call centre how could we ever help all those unfortunate enough to be hit by the recession? Or “Swine Flu”? Or even genuine illness?


Anonymous said...

It's actually the swine flu helpline number.

"Press 1 if you think you may have swine flu, press 2 if you have no money..."

Anonymous said...

When I started reading this i thought it was another clever mock up - un****ing believable!.

Northern Doc said...

Thanks for reading and posting your comments. Our thoughts as well on both counts. Unbelievable but true.