Silly season.

One of the great things about living in a country with socialized medicine is that you also get socialized education for most. Those who can avoid it go to so called public schools or more acutely privately paid for schools by the parents of the offspring who go to these public schools. These produce a lot of politicians.

The medical press has been reporting one or two things in the past few days that might invite a little bit of comment. The first is that there have been record numbers of admissions last week.

How can this be? We mentioned that politicians go to public schools well NHS managers are usually the products of socialized education and NHS England acts as a repository for those in the bottom third of your average Northernshire comprehensive school. This intellectual elite have been foisting completely unnecessary pieces of work onto GPs in order to prevent admissions and A&E attendances.

So care plans, risk stratification, admission avoidance schemes all thought up by the elite of England’s management cream who don’t work in the private sector should have meant that there were no admissions. Of course these complete wastes of general practice time and effort have come home to roost as anyone doing these retarded piles of excrement realized as soon as they were announced. In the run up towards Christmas the old saying that the proof of the pudding is in the eating applies to NHS England’s plans.

But despair not dear reader for one of the intellectual elite has gone one better. You can read about it here. What a good idea from a man clearly with his fingers on the pulse probably of a patient with asystole and saying to all admiring his skill we have a live one here comrades while busy doing nothing useful about the situation.

This is clearly a man who believes that at 15.55 on a Friday afternoon all GPs up and down the land will be sitting in front of a warming fire supping cocoa and looking forward to a well earned weekend away from the coal face. They won’t be busy doing the something for the weekend Friday afternoon surgeries, seeing numerous extras claiming to be emergencies because they want their contraceptive pill they forgot to order as they are going on holiday tomorrow or they lost their benzo prescription in a fight when they were busy doing their Christmas shop lifting.

Just supping cocoa and winding down. So what a good idea to send an email out with cheery, practical advice. No doubt the computer will be switched on and the email picked up instantly and Johnnie and Joanna GP will spring into action to help an NHS England intellectual out in their time of acute need (for something functioning in between their ears).

They would surely call their man servant over and ask them to bring their leather bound phone book with the names and addresses of all those who are vulnerable and needy, all practices will have lists of these as a result of some of the above initiatives. The GPs could then ask their man servant to dial the numbers and after a few cheery words from the doctor all these patients will become well again and so not need an ambulance or a hospital admission.

And after ringing say one per cent of an average practice list size of say 1780 patients a mere 178 phone calls at a minute each the GP starting at 16.00 will have finished at 18.58 only 28 minutes after their core hours but what a difference this will have made.

And all thanks to yet another great idea from one of NHS England’s finest.

Praise be to the Party for not have to think to make this up. Whatever next an emergency requisition of a cocoa urn for each practice so that on Christmas Eve the GPs can go out dressed as Santa on a sleigh pulled by reindeer to deliver a warm cup of cocoa to each of their patients at home to keep them all out of hospital over the 4 day Christmas break?

Good idea I’ll email that one out at 17.00 on Xmas Eve just to check the idle buggers are still at work . . .