Thursday, 3 December 2009

Swine Flu Exclusive: seen in an Associate Teaching Hospital in Northernshire.

While sitting in an associate teaching hospital, don’t know what one is we only knew of real teaching hospitals, we saw the following piece of information a wall:

“Comrade Patients, due to current infection control guidelines all magazines and toys have had to be removed from waiting room areas due to the current threat of swine flu”.

Now we know why we failed microbiology all those years ago (not)!

We thought that influenza was an airborne acquired infection that you breathed in, in order to get it. Remember coughs and sneezes spread diseases?

If we only had known that its principal vector of the transmission of (swine) flu was toys and magazines we would have passed our exams magna cum matronis!

No wonder Sir Liam and Dame Christine earn their bucks for cream cake eating and “re educating” our lack of knowledge regarding infectious diseases.

Still we did put that sexually transmitted diseases were acquired from toilet seats and that you could become pregnant by kissing and holding hands the second time round in our microbiology exam so we were once correctly politically re educated (not).

Toys and magazines spread diseases but coughs and sneezes and door handles do not.

Praise be to the Party and all its infection control guidelines.

We counted 20 door handles that we touched on our way to this outpatients in this hospital and all the doors glistened with signs saying “sanitized for your protection from swine flu” and every door had an antiviral and antibacterial rub which said use this before you touch the door handle (not).

Ask yourself which is the greater risk for acquiring a disease? Picking up a magazine or a toy in an out patient department or touching all the door handles in a hospital on your way into a hospital out patients? Which has the most hands touching it?

No wonder, given such notices and nationwide preparation, we are truly the best prepared joke in the world for swine flu. You could not make it up, could you?

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