Parallel universes, wormholes and Airedale.

For those of us of an artistic temperament science is a bit of a mystery. However we can just about watch an episode of Star Trek and grasp some of the concepts there. We can watch the likes of Stargate and marvel at the imagination and science behind these ideas and think what if?

But then some of us in our dealings with the NHS noticed that the ideas in these programs do actually exist in the real world. There are parallel universes and black holes and even wormholes.

The parallel universes we encounter daily are the NHS aka the real world where most patients and those who practise medicine on the frontline live and work and thereby experience UK medical care.

Running parallel to this with no idea of this world is the MHS (Management Health Service) which is a rapidly expanding world of low density matter which will ultimately imploding if current universe theories are to be believed as although it is of low density matter the quantity of this matter is expanding at an alarming rate.

All matter exerts the force of gravity and so this large collection of low density matter will ultimately implode and forms a large dense cluster of matter called a black hole.

The third parallel universe is the Department of Health and Government aka the Party. Although this is smaller in size than the NHS, and the increasingly larger MHS, it is a far more sinister universe as there is a huge amount of incredibly dense matter there that has a disproportionate amount of influence on UK healthcare far beyond its ability.

Now because these are parallel universes there is very little communication between them. Such that exists are the wormholes that seem to operate in what is called a top down approach. So the DOH/Party has a wormhole into the much larger MHS universe which in turn has wormholes into the real world where patients and health care professionals work within the NHS.

Any wormholes that operate in the opposite direction have an incredibly short existence as the people who know what is going on are only rarely granted a wormhole (audience) with these parallel universes. As a result they are ignored as being 3 separate parallel universes they continue in the same space/time continuum but are essentially completely independent of each other.

So if something new, or wrong, happens in the NHS it can rarely be communicated to the DoH/MHS universes due to the infrequent wormholes that occur between these universes. If it is communicated then it will be regarded as spurious background radiation noise as those listening to it will not be capable of understanding anything other than DoH/MHS speak with is at best a primitive incomprehensible language.

A report from a hospital in Northernshire called Airedale actually makes reference to this “parallel universe” theory. It is regarding 3 deaths attributing to a nurse there and we watched the story this evening on Channel 4 news and thought after several minutes this sounds all too familiar. The interview afterwards was more enlightening but we can't link directly to it you will have to watch the program yourselves while the link lasts.

So parallel universes within the NHS are now official. The full report is here but here are is a link to the local press's coverage of the story.

The bottom line is when managers set the addenda patient care suffers. Blow the whistle and you suffer. Staffordshire hospital déjà vu? And so it will continue.

Praise be to the Party for without science fiction how could we ever explain how the NHS is so dysfunctional? Once again corporate responsibility leads to individual unaccountability and no doubt those responsible will move onwards and upwards.