Oh no not again.

The Party loves cards. They are no different to when in junior school certain individuals devised a gang and allowed only certain people to join their “gang” but you could only be a member if you had a “card” issued by the “leader”. No card and you were not in the “in” crowd.

This playground mentality unfortunately persists into adult life as both left and right wing extremist parties have all had similar party card schemes. The NHS is no different for it too issues cards. These actually have a protective function for patients for if they see any individual carrying one they should run a mile.

When we go to meetings there is always a group of people who have been in the bottom third of any Northernshire comprehensive school who got prizes for turning up once or twice a year in a corner forming a circle and instantly identified by the NHS (Dumb) Smartcard wrapped around their necks on an NHS necktie thinking it makes them look important.

They think wearing a NHS Dumbcard round their neck is a sign of “corporate identity” but it is actually a sign of corporate incompetence.

The teams’ attention has been drawn to this website, and this one and another one too and yet another Party card.

What a good idea your average Daily Mail reader will think. We can identify the evil ones, the devil’s spawn causing all UK hospital acquired infections by just giving them all a card. Excellent and by jingo we will have Cl. difficile on the run by Christmas. Another sherry vicar and how are all those wayward children you have been looking after recently?

Read the propaganda above. Look who is providing the information as to how they feel it is useful. Its Debbie, a nurse “consultant” in public health no less, in a sink PCT. Debbie clearly knows nothing but thinks a card will help all and she says so.

Perhaps Debbie (or more importantly her friends who put her up to this) has other ideas for those who should carry cards? Maybe a compulsory card around the neck for the following:

HIV/AIDS                                                                 85,500 (HPA 2009)
MRSA infections                                                        1898 (HPA 2010)
Illegal immigrants                                310,000- 570,000  (Home office 2005)

Working age benefit claiments       5.8 million (Department of Work and Pensions 2011)

The list is endless.

The point is what difference does such a card make? It only identifies those who have HAD Cl. difficile not those who MIGHT have it. If your card carrying patient needs an antibiotic that might cause Cl. difficile to treat a life threatening infection what will a doctor do if a patient presents the card to them?

Would they:

1) Refuse to treat the patient as per card? You might just get really ill rather than die?

2) Treat the patient to the best of their ability even though there is a risk of potentially serious consequences?

3) Do nothing? This is of course the NHS manager’s preferred option as it is cheap and the patient has a NHS sanctioned card?

4) Refer to Debbie who as a “consultant” will never be there before nine or after three?

5) Refer to an NHS manager – see 4?

6) Refer to the card issuer and ask the patient for their PIN? No PIN no treatment?

Whichever retarded Northernshire PCT (and there is more than one sink PCT playing card games) thought this up it has the same potential for discrimination as the Nazis and their yellow stars had. See the Press link above as to how the card would keep the superbug "out" of hospitals.

Given that 3% of the adult population in the UK have the potential for Cl. difficile infection and that Central Lancashire has a population of 457, 900 this means that 13,737 may have the potential for Cl.difficile infection.

So Debbie’s 222 cards (1.6% of potential cases) will make sweet FA difference as by using a high tech NHS stealth cards she will have hit the one latrine tent in a 100 square mile sector of barren desert and missed the huge army of several thousands marching towards her until these unknowns show up with the sh*ts but it is too late then. She will never have seen them as a nurse “consultant” in public health in a sink PCT will she because they do not carry the card?

Still cards are cheaper than real nurses just ask any “consultant” as they daily toil on the wards delivering hands on patient care to those with real Cl.difficile infections. For when real patients have Cl. difficile they want boots on the ground real hands on nursing and medical care even if that means getting someone covered in the proverbial. For when you are seriously ill that is what counts.

Not a card.

Praise be to the Party for ensuring that diversity training for NHS managers means the same as the Shorter Oxford Dictionary word discrimination.