There has been a lot about
the excesses of unregulated financial speculation in the last few days and we
suspect this will smolder on for a while but a lot will get away Scot free. For
those of us who daily do work on the golf course of UK general practice we have
encountered a new threat provided by some other unregulated free wheelers in
this country. While exiting the confines of Shiteton's vast sprawling urban
metropolis we encountered an as yet undiscovered hazard on Northernshire's
We are well used to early
morning pigeons, pheasants, deer, tanks, fallen trees and more recently floods
as a result of the idle Brown turd's dump on general practitioners and their
staff which is reflected daily in his work avoidance schedule but what we encountered
on a 400 yard straight recently bettered all of these hazards and dereliction
We were firing up the
Ferrari for a 0-30mph sprint when the onboard hazard proximity radar detected
slow moving incoming from 1 o'clock. The target was on a linear course which
did not deviate and at 400 yards away was on a direct head on collision course with the
Ferrari. The deflector shields were instantly activated and the photon torpedos
armed and readied.
As we approached to visual
contact we were met with a silver haired surfer preceded by a three wheeler
rollator (pictured above for the benefit of readers as a hazard avoidance
learning needs exercise for your PDP after your have filled in a SRT) who was
giving us no ground as they continued undeterred along the white line provided
in the middle of the road for the navigational assistance of elderly drivers.
You will be pleased to know that the middle wheel of the rollator was kept on
the white line in an undeviating military fashion despite the flashing lights
and horns of oncoming motorists traveling either side of the hazard.
This Ethelocet missile
topped with a dark blue all weather woolen cardigan and woolly hat tastefully
off set by a white night dress and slippers below in a torrential midsummer
downpour suggested something was not quite right. Even white van man took
evasive action most impressive as he was on his mobile at the time complying,
as did the Ethelocet with all current UK motoring and other legislation.
Now three wheeled vehicles
are traditionally the preserve of the very young in the form of tricycles or a
fad of middle-aged eccentrics or a necessity for mobility for the very old.
A three-wheeled Ethelocet
must surely be more hazardous than a rogue banker or free wheeling dealer and
is clearly a failure of the health and social care system and not the financial
regulator or the responsible politicians? Clearly we GPs need increased dementia awareness to stop this new scourge of unregulated free wheeling Ethelocets?
Mr. Speaker, it is only a
matter of time before an Ethelocet hits a white van and causes their driver
immeasurable harm and, as a result irreparable economic harm to this country.
Mr. Speaker, we need an
Ethel's law now or else. I commend Ethel's Law to the house . . .
Contact Northern Doc:
Northern Doc was once a blog originally written by a group of GPs in Northernshire and expressed their experiences and frustrations of working in today's NHS. The pieces were compiled at social meetings after work and published anonymously in a once free society. Following the Government's Medical Council clamp down on freedom of thought, speech and expression by doctors and our belief that the views of a few doctors DO NOT represent the views of the profession as a whole their views will now be written by and published by a journalist who has previously contributed to the blog by virtue of social ties. Any inference that the word Doc means a doctor is now purely coincidental. This is as of the 22 April 2013.