Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Big Brother is Watching You the Flu Pandemic

Comrades, this evening we here at ND Central were asked to prescribe Tamiflu for a very important person who was venturing forth to shores foreign and had read the BNF, the British National Formulary, the prescriber’s bible, about how it was prescribable on the NHS.

Now most of us at ND do not read the NHS Spamalot email service because it is pure management spam, and so full of sh*t* that the local sewage farm, that does so much better at protecting public health than do we, would not cope if all the NHS email spam was funnelled there instead of into NHS doctors’ email boxes.

We rely on an old grunt trick called listening to people. If the media shows queues of people outside schools with confirmed cases of swine flu getting Tamiflu and online and local pharmacies tell you can’t get it then what do you conclude?

That the Party and all their wonderful managers have control of it for the benefit of the People? No one has told us this we drew our own conclusions but then there is a “Flu Plan” which we are not privy to as we haven’t bothered to read it.

So enter stage right our illustrious important person. We duly explained all of our current limited understanding of this and explained that we were happy to issue them with a prescription but they might not get it.

5 minutes later the local idiot PCT comrade pharmaceutical commissar advisor was on the line telling us what naughty boys and girls we had been.

Which bit of the NHS Tamiflu Con had we missed?

Of course fellow resistance fighters if there is to be a campaign of passive resistance following the unfortunate first death from swine flu and every GP started issuing Tamiflu prescriptions “just in case” would the comrade commissar pharmaceutical advisers be able to cope with the first influx of real work they have ever had to deal with? Life or death decisions after a 3 year degree course and failure to make it in retail pharmacy?

If swine flu does take a hold this winter and this behaviour is repeated what will be the consequences? Remember this was a highly educated “just in case” going to a high risk area as opposed to a “I am going on holiday and I might catch something can I have . . .”?

Praise be to the Party for it is truly Big Brother if you dare to prescribe Tamiflu.

No doubt every member of the Party has been issued with their own personal numbered pack of Tamiflu carried with them at all times together with their gas mask and ID cards in the bunkers just in case. What would happen in a real flu pandemic if the Five a Day co-ordinator went down with a cold, sorry flu? Anarchy on the streets?

We haven’t been issued with such packs and according to the British National Formulary it is still prescribable on the NHS except in Northernshire. You have been warned comrades. Wait ‘til the brown stuff hits the fan to see who the chosen few will be . . .

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