Friday, 1 May 2009

The Cancer Clock has finally stopped

This week, across the Pond, President Obama has celebrated his first 100 days in office. Here, ZaNu Labour and its ever efficient Management Health Service (MHS), will be celebrating another triumph as to how much better things are here now in the English NHS (Northernshire) as a result of all of their “reforms”.

For those readers good enough to have been following this blog will know that one of the teams’ relative’s has been waiting for cancer treatment.

At long, long, last this relative has been admitted to hospital to finally get their treatment. The clock above records how long it has taken.

Granted there appears to have been no extra readies to ease Gord the Holy’s little problem since we last published the clock but equally NHS cancer care is still on target since our last post as the clock above shows.

Now with a bit of quantitative easing it is easy to see that in fact our relative has only waited 14 days if one uses base 94 instead of the usual base 10 system of numbering.

(For any NHS managers reading, if they can count-or even read, 98 in base 10 = (10 times 9 = 90) add 8 equals (90+8)= 98.

If you use base 94 then 1 times 94 = (94 times 1) = 94 and then add 4 (94+4) equals 98 but it looks like 14 so you are OK and can go home when the complaint letter comes in as you can explain all of this to the patient concerned).

We digress. We know the NHS cancer target has been met. No NHS target is ever missed, Comrades.

So despite hearing, during the long real time wait, both Mr Brown and Mr Johnson bang on about the two week wait for cancer treatment as a triumph of ZaNu Labour’s new health service every time there has been a NHS cock up story in the last 3 months, the reality on the ground is in fact very different.

But nonetheless using base 94 means that there will be no MHS failing so no one will ever be accountable for this wait. It was never there.

Our relative, being in the trade, when they have received their many Party generated letters to meet the Party targets have been on the phone to point out how long they were being made to wait.

If they had not, another 22 days would have been added to their wait for “treatment” (sorry their out patient appointment) BEFORE they got any where near any treatment.

We have had no problems with those members of the medical or nursing teams we have encountered all of whom have been excellent.

We have no problems with the under paid and over worked medical secretaries who have been most excellent in responding to our relative’s requests re delays. They have brought forward appointments based on clinical need where they could.

We just want to ask why did it take so long?

Perhaps we could bleep the on call Politburo manager at the “world class” commissioning PCT that has commissioned our relative’s care this Bank Holiday and expect an instant response?

But it is May Day comrades, so the good comrade idiots will be celebrating their success at being a top “World Class” Commissioning Politburo. Much vodka and prawn crackers we suspect comrade workers will be heaped on all of the “World Class” Commissars that we have in Northernshire this weekend. They may even give themselves an extra May Day bank holiday for being such an “efficient” PCT?
We are now waiting on the skill of those on the front line to see where we go next. In them we trust.

We have several thoughts where the managers that have delayed treatment can go and where they can put certain objects. Unfortunately they would probably enjoy that as much as they enjoy screwing up the health service.

Praise be to the Party and its 2 week wait for cancer treatment. It has been a resounding success here in Northernshire.

Extra Praise be to the local “world class” commissioning managers who work so hard.

98 days to get cancer treatment. They will be resting on their laurels this weekend after all their hard work and vodka.

1 comment:

Nutty said...

I just wish they'd be more honest about the time it actually takes. I went to my GP with symptoms before Christmas and it took until the end of March to get a scan and, based on what they saw, a biopsy. There were problems with the biopsy, so I've got to wait six weeks before they can try again.

Now if that's how long it takes, that's how long it takes, but it would be nice if we weren't led to believe it gets looked at in two weeks. I preferred it when nobody pretended you didn't have to wait ages for things on the NHS.