Listen up soldier here is another piece of medical (not) excellence to share with the world. The NHS Ranger Corps has been so busy with the swine flu pandemic that they have produced a booklet.
This, however, soldier has not distracted them from their ongoing war on MRSA.
Beat MRSA by getting GP practices to sign up to a “Clean Your Hands” campaign. Click a mouse to sign up to display a few posters and get the sucker GPs to buy loads of Grog (this blog post 2 Dec 2008 for more on Grog) at their expense and install Grog dispensers and hey MRSA in the community wiped out overnight.
Of course the Thickerazzi that thought of this forget that 60% of man and 40% of women do not wash their hands after going to the toilet or wash their hands after nose picking which are well known Party approved MRSA free zones.
However, the Public do put their hands on door handles in surgeries, shake their GPs and nurses hands, allow their children to trash surgeries and play with toys, touch screens to announce their presence, cough splutter, pee, sh*t and shoot up in GP and A&E toilets all of which are MRSA free zones like the patients themselves.
By focusing the attention of the staff on washing their hand with “spot inspections” and “hand washingaudits” this will hopefully distract the public away from:
no isolation facilities,
no hands on nursing care,
hotbedding (the process where a patient dies and the next patient goes straight into the same bed without proper cleaning to avoid trolley waits),
a huge shortage of beds
and all the other factors that actually spread MRSA and other diseases.
During several recent attendances at outpatient clinics and hospital wards we have only ever seen one person called a visitor use the Grog dispenser so showing that the Public are not the source of MRSA which we know as only doctors and nurses carry it as they are the only ones who use the bottles of Grog.
Lead on NHS Rangers!
MRSA cured by NHS managers who live in the real world where if tea is late by 10 minutes it is an EMERGENCY.
However, if the mouse has been clicked, and all the boxes ticked, all is well in the world of the elite NHS Ranger Corp. Clean Your Hands will save the world (when all the boxes are ticked).
Praise be to the Party and its elite Ranger Corps.
Contact Northern Doc:
Northern Doc was once a blog originally written by a group of GPs in Northernshire and expressed their experiences and frustrations of working in today's NHS. The pieces were compiled at social meetings after work and published anonymously in a once free society. Following the Government's Medical Council clamp down on freedom of thought, speech and expression by doctors and our belief that the views of a few doctors DO NOT represent the views of the profession as a whole their views will now be written by and published by a journalist who has previously contributed to the blog by virtue of social ties. Any inference that the word Doc means a doctor is now purely coincidental. This is as of the 22 April 2013.