Friday, 27 February 2009

NHS Rangers leading the way - the War on MRSA #5

Our source from a centre of intellectual excellence (not) tells us that all the new modern Matrons at their local hospital barracks were involved in an important new anti MRSA offensive called b*ll*cking staff leaving the hospital in their uniforms.


How does this stop MRSA getting into the hospital?

Staff may wear their uniforms with pride but more likely are wearing them because they are not provided with any secure areas where they can change and if they want a clean uniform the next day they have to take them home and wash them themselves. If they rely on the communal hospital laundry it will give them a uniform 2-3 sizes bigger or smaller than they are and certainly not less than 2 weeks after it is handed in for cleaning. Staff used to be provided with coats to cover up uniforms but due to costs this has stopped.

So the elite of the NHS Ranger corps, the Modern Matron, is deployed as a surprise tactic to prevent MRSA creeping into the secure MRSA free zones called hospitals.

Post these elite Rangers outside the building and MRSA will not dare cross the new Maginot line of Modern Matrons. The Maginot line tactic was used successfully by the French against the Germans in World War 2 and any public school boy knows the power of Matron on middle aged or elderly politicians’ fantasies. It therefore cannot fail.

Rangers lead on. Victory by the clipboard carriers is ours for the taking!

Praise be to the Party for Modern Matrons who are leading the way on the war against MRSA by avoiding any patient contact as they lurk outside the hospital and care for patients there. Perhaps the best place for them?

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