Thursday, 19 March 2009

A present from the Party through the post

Comrades, several members of the ND team of all ranks have this week received a copy of the local Politburo’s free mail shot “ Your guide to Local (Party) Health Services”.

Now a lot of the team at ND saw this as being extra cheap toilet paper and binned it as a mark of respect to the services that the local Politburo provide for its comrade Party members. It was written on cheap paper that most people would not allow anywhere near their anal regions due to its incredibly irritant nature, poor quality paper and laughable content.

The few liberals that reside at ND central did read this “intellectual” work and were amazed to discover several things about our local Politburo and even our own Practice that we did not know.

Remember that if you assume this was a mail shot to a population of 220,000 the cost to produce this propaganda would be several thousands for something that will not even be used as toilet paper then there is a huge amount of land fill and rain forest destruction going on here for no useful purpose.

What we as doctors at ND Central did not know was that the local Politburo and we are providing the following:

“a new Gold Standard that every person can expect from their GP”.

What is a new Gold Standard? More tractors and grain production targets met by the Politburo?

“an extra 20 GPs paid for in existing Northenshire practices”

More tractors and grain production for the starving people as we are still heavily under doctored?

“that our Practice was a kilometre from the nearest pharmacy”

It is across a road and therefore out of range of most remote controls as people will have to walk to get there.

Further reading (in between the laughter and disbelief) revealed a two page spread on how to get the right treatment. This is the right order to access treatment (according to the book):

A&E was the first point of contact for
“Getting the right treatment”
followed by
“Keep warm – keep well”
“Keeping warm advice”
“NHS Direct”
“Self care”
and oh yes
“GP Practice”
followed finally by
“At the Pharmacy”.

Clearly our attendance at medical school had given us all the wrong perspective on how to use the health service so now next time we need “the right treatment” for our acne we need to go straight to A&E.

Praise be to the Party for we know now that our acne will be cured when we attend A&E for the right treatment.

If that fails we’ll read the rest and keep warm while on the phone to NHS (re)Direct who will tell us to look after ourselves and go straight to the GP for a prescription.

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