Sunday, 19 October 2008

The 12 Rules of NHS Management (aka Politicians and NHS Managers reforming the health service)

1) If there is no problem make one
2) If it is simple make it complicated
3) If you can’t find a solution have another meeting
4) If other meetings don’t work employ more managers
5) Do not involve anyone with ability as they might come up with the solution and put you out of a job
6) If you fail you will be promoted. If you are not, set up a consultancy (see 7)
7) If 1-6 do not work employ management consultants (not consultants see rule 5).
8) All new policies must generate extra work for all involved to achieve the same goal or ideally less and cost more.
9) If a change is unpopular tell them you are re-applying for your job or change your job title and tell them it’s someone else’s department.
10) If you have cocked up have a listening exercise. Hear and change nothing.
11) You have power and are unaccountable.
12) Reinventing the wheel is called innovation. Remember to make sure that the new wheel is a square one.
13) Managers can’t be expected to count.

Northern Doc wishes to add that NHS management is the pauper of UK management. Anyone with ability and management skills works for the private sector because they are rewarded for their skills.

So if you wish to tell some war veteran or a young mother who is a cancer suffer they can’t have treatment become a NHS manager You need no ability, no knowledge or understanding of science or medicine and no compassion. You don’t have to talk to patients just make their lives miserable and the Nuremberg “I was only following orders” excuse will work every time as per rules 6 & 11 as you are untouchable. You can make all the intelligent people lives you knew when you were bottom of the class at school, hell.

And get paid for it.

Power to the Party (and its ever wise managers).

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