Friday, 10 October 2008

The new GP contract (nGMS contract) and Overpaid GPs a theological perspective


Northern Doc did in one of their more spiritual moments consult with Bishop Northern who is a man used to luxury limos and not too far from government about our concerns regarding the lack of truth regarding the people who deliver 90+% of the health care to the British public the humble GP and their staff and mentioned that no-one Northern Doc knew in the over affluent North earned as much as comrades Gordon and Postman Pat.

After much reflection we present his thoughts in the hope that some enlightenment may be made available to the Party:
"My dear brethren, about 4 years ago, mindful of the fact that GPs were unhappy our glorious leaders, the Blair /Brown axis, for they are blessed and holy negotiated a new contract with the GPs. They thought that this was a good deal. The BMA too thought it was a good deal but then they had tasted so much of the cream cakes and teas and avoided real work for so long at Whitehall that they would have said yes to anything.

Granted the BMA had managed to sacrifice the out of hours’ element for the princely sum of £6000 for each GP. Clearly New Labour is unaware of the minimum wage it introduced as 365 days X 13.5 hours = 4927.5 hours. Divided £6000 by 4927.5 and
£1.22 is what Tony and Gord thought a GP out of hours is worth per GP per hour. £ 16.47 for a 13.5 hours night less than one NHS Direct consultation.

And so the Government were happy as they had allocated 1050 quality points @ £75 a point and did fully expected GPs to fail to get any more than 600-700 out of the 1050.

Unfortunately doctors are in the top 1% of the population in terms of intelligence and when presented with a seemingly impossible contract did apply themselves diligently to solving the problem they had been set by Blair/Brown and achieved an average of 1000 points out of 1050. They did thus alleviate the suffering of the NHS comrade patients and improve their healthcare as the Party had hoped.

However, Tony and Gordon were not happy, for the doctors had not failed as was expected but had worked to the Contract and achieved all, and more, of what was asked of them. This was not good as it cost the Government.

For true comrades of our Government of lawyers know that if you achieve a contract then this must be paid for but not if you are Government for they are holy and can refuse payment based on a majority.

In the second year of the contract GPs did even better and were paid at an increased rate per point of £120. These were the Happy Years and GPs caught up with solicitors, accountants, plumbers, builders, MPs and government ministers and they were happy and felt blessed that at last extra work meant extra money.

But then Gord and Tony ceased to be happy. For although the scum of the earth that they had agreed the contract with had done all that was asked they thought that this was not good and the GPs were to blame for they were evil. But Gord the Blessed was not daft and changed the extra tax known as superannuation so that GPs, unlike the comrade workers that Tony and Gord did represent, now had to pay their employee share as well as their employers' share.

This was good as now the evil scum known as GPs were paying 55% of their earnings which they did exploit from the comrade workers by doing their jobs as per the contract that Tony and Gord had agreed.

Costs for out of hours care had risen because doctors had heard of the minimum wage and standards had fallen as doctors were no longer available for they dared to ask for more money to work anti social hours than Tony and Gord, true working class heroes, had agreed. The evil scum were asking for more than the minimum wage which is truly ungodly behaviour.

So Gord and Tony decided that they would not honour their contract, for they were Government and good, and decided to reduce points and forget how much extra they had agreed to pay for their quality healthcare service in the third year of their covenant with the evil scum they call GPs. For it is sacrilege for those who work as GPs to dare to aspire to earn that which true socialists like Cherie Blair earn as they are not lawyers who like Government are holy too.

Then Tony did leave and Gord took over.

Gord, being a true man of the working people, and spawn of their loins decided that despite there being a European Working Time directive on working hours that the groups of people already working more hours than most were not working hard enough, for they were professionals and to be despised, unlike the true working class man that he is.

So Gord the Holy decided based on a divine sample of punters marginally more than that on which he was elected, to impose extra hours on GPs (and their staff) and in doing so he did ignore a much larger sample of people in a survey he had paid for who were happy with their evil scum GPs for he is divine and therefore right.

Furthermore the blessed Gord, for he is holy beyond all other than Mugabe, decided to impose this but with no extra funding for GPs. He decided that if GPs wished to earn as much as they did the year before they must do extra hours for the same pay.

This, my dearly beloved, is known as a pay cut but, if you are holy beyond all other than Mugabe, it is for the benefit of the comrade workers. Furthermore, my dearly beloved, if as a believer of the great goddess Prudence you add a further increase in penance on those sinners’ earnings then Gord the Holy is now taxing the evil over paid GPs at 60% of their earnings then you are a true working class hero. For no true working class hero would dream of doing such a thing to the lowest paid by abolishing the 10% tax rate.

At this point dearly beloved I must end this lesson for the rest is yet to be written. I hope it explains what has happened to those overpaid GPs, scum that they be, and why they are so hated by Gord and Government for they have dared to do what Government asked them to do namely honour a contract which is heresy to Government. They must therefore be punished for they are evil.

Praise be to the Party and Gord the Holy of Holies."

1 comment:

Deb Acle said...

"Unfortunately doctors are in the top 1% of the population in terms of intelligence and when presented with a seemingly impossible contract did apply themselves diligently to solving the problem they had been set by Blair/Brown"

I certainly agree that those with advanced intelligence can and do routinely move heaven and earth to solve problems that most averagely blessed kinfolk wouldn't even look at. Yes, this is a drawback of high IQ.

But I do query the 'top 1%', ND!
99th%ile?? Taking all docs to something like 160++ on the scale...
I don't think so!
Top 10% maybe - I imagine that's what you meant?